Jim Andrews

Fall 2002

Ramos Reviewed

It is Saturday afternoon but it might as well be the morning because there was a big party last night and everyone is just getting out of bed. Monica and her friends, mainly sorority sisters, sit around and discuss the drama of the last night. Monicaπs apartment is clean and comfortable, much like her life. Sheπs got just about everything she needs right there from her friends to the light reading material made up of fashion magazines and Cosmo. ≥Iπm really enjoying the way my life is right now,≤ Monica tells me.

Monicaπs a senior this year and about to leave the bubble Southwestern University creates for its students. She doesnπt really have any idea where sheπs going to work after school but she says, ≥Itπs not freaking me out≤. Monicaπs got a whole semester to worry. All she really knows is that she wants to support herself. The fact that this is a goal and not a necessity is something that Monica understands. This luxury is due to the fact that Monicaπs dad runs a very successful physician practice. For most of Monicaπs life, money has never really been an issue.

She understands that this financial situation is a blessing, and she takes it humbly. Itπs almost as if she got lucky and won the lottery but has made sure that the money doesnπt go to her head. You would still think she is a broke college student like her interviewer.

Back to Monicaπs apartment, her friends are discussing the immature and drunken behavior of the local fraternity guys at their sorority party. ≥They were all being a bunch of idiots!≤ she says. While they are pissed off to some degree the discussion of the previous night exploits carries an air of unimportance. Itπs a superficial conversation, and they all understand this. Itπs just fun and right now in her life there are a lot of unimportant things. The intensity that they speak about this conversation lets me know that while the subject may be unimportant itπs not uninteresting. These unimportant things probably keep Monica from cracking up with all the pressures of school and thinking about life after college.

When you speak to Monica you get a sense that these pressures arenπt really that much. She understands that sheπs very fortunate but ≥still everyoneπs got the right to have stress in their life,≤ she tells me.

As more of her friends enter her dorm apartment to take part in the gossip, the conversations become more numerous and disconnected. Monica seems to retreat into a comfortable place. This is not a shy place, but a place where Monica can absorb everything thatπs going on around her. She seems to listen to everyone with equal care and enjoys it. This could easily be mistaken for shyness. In actuality the look on her face says that itπs just hard to pay attention to that many conversations, let alone speak in them.

This seems like the typical Saturday for Monica. While itπs definitely not what Monica envisioned college being like, she has gotten use to it. Her friends surround her. They have become more than just her friends. They are what one could call her college family.

***

I ask Monica to envision that sheπs forty years old and tell me what her ten major achievements are. I imagine that if I ask her this when sheπs forty she is going to give me the same look she gives me now. Itπs a look like that was the worst question she has ever been asked. Then she politely laughs off the question with a nice, quiet, funny sarcastic remark. I press the question and this is where the answers begin.

≥First off graduate from SU.≤ She says it like itπs still some far off dream like when a little girl talks to her daddy about leaving home for college. Monica is most definitely going to graduate from SU this May, most likely with unbelievably good grades.

≥Next, to support myself, completely, with out my dadπs help.≤ From this comment I might be led to believe that Monica is a snobby daddyπs girl, but that couldnπt be further from the truth. Itπs more a fact that in Monicaπs life money just doesnπt really seem to be an issue. She has had plenty of other issues to deal with, many that most other people couldnπt even fathom, like helping raise her younger brother and sister after her mom died from breast cancer when she was a teenager.

As Monica continues the list, she comes to a stopping point, looks around, and wonders. ≥Go to Europe, no Italy, and do a major charity event, maybe that Avon breast cancer walk.≤ While these are going to be very important in her life I think, she also wants to just take up space on the list.

Monica then breaks off into another conversation with me. I end up doing most of the talking. You can see that she knows I will eventually come back to the question and this gives her time to formulate the next five.

≥Having a good relationship with my Dad is very important.≤ They donπt seem to really communicate well now. ≥Being a family and marital therapist and getting married once≤

Six, seven and eight are now covered. She stops and we discuss how divorce itself is not necessarily a bad thing but she hopes it never happens to her. If it does however, she affirms, ≥Iπll never be ashamed about it.≤

Thatπs where the list ends; eight out of ten is all right. ≥Forty is just so far away,≤ she says as if to apologize for not being able to complete the question.

After listening to the eight events in her life I can probably fill in at lest one more. Happiness. This seems to be a major part of Monicaπs life. Sheπs a happy person, but not that fake kind of happy that some people have. It is a genuine happiness that brings a sense of calmness. While she didnπt put wealth or fame on her Top Ten List, like many other people myself included would, you can tell that she will probably achieve a happiness that exceeds fame and riches. Itπs a happiness that a good many of us hope to achieve. ≥I do really well in school,≤ Monica tells me and there is sense that this trend will continue in life as she asks me if she can be any more help on the assignment. There is a sense that if youπre around her she is definitely going to share.

***

Itπs Thursday night around eight. Monica is talking to her sister on instant messenger when I walk in. She immediately says, ≥Iπm addicted to instant messenger.≤ She says she tries to talk, in one manner or another, to her 19 year old sister about once everyday. Family is an important thing for Monica. Itπs more important than it is to this college student who rarely talks to his parents except for the occasional Sunday afternoon phone call. Yet now there is a sense of envy for Monicaπs feelings toward her family.

Even though she probably has tons of homework to do, she makes time so that I can complete the interview process for this paper. This seems very like Monica that no matter how busy Monica was she would probably find somewhere to fit you in. As I begin to ask questions to clear up the holes my paper seems to have, I notice that she somewhat withdraws from the conversation. Monica is not the type to take interrogation well.

Instead she switches the conversation around to other topics like campus life. Before long we are both rattling on about or complaints and concerns about the way life at Southwestern is becoming. No matter how pessimistic I seem to be about it, Monica still sees hope for the situation. Hope is clearly one quality that Monica must have in her life. Where this stems from I canπt really guess but probably has something to do with her childhood.

As I end the interview process and tell her this is the last time Iπll have a chance to come around she seems apprehensive about what Iπm going to write about her. ≥You have to let me read it before you turn it in,≤ she says. While this may make you believe she thinks that there might be something negative to say about her, Monica knows there is really not. She really just wants to help me out and make sure I do well on the paper. Monica is always there to help, from her teenage years when she became a somewhat of a parent figure to her siblings due to her momπs death to her current role as Zeta Tau Alphaπs philanthropy chair. Monica wants to help people. It comes across in just about any conversation you have with her and it has got to be one of the most admirable qualities that any human being can have.

Authorπs Afterward

Going into this assignment I was quite pessimistic that I would get even a partially unbiased view of Monica. We exist within the same small campus community and many of her friends are also mine. I didnπt want the meetings to end up just as conversation about people we both already knew. I also didnπt want to fit Monica and this paper into the mold I had already placed her.

I met with Monica about five times that ranged anywhere from one hour meeting to three hours. While I would have liked to spend more time on the interview process of the paper that was all both our schedules would really allow. During that time the interview turned more into conversations. I tried asking, for the most part, only questions that were appropriate at the time. For this reason, all my prepared questions were basically thrown out after the first interview. While this rattled me at first, the paper became easier to write because the scenes were created by conversations I had with Monica. Another important aspect of the interview process was the fact that I was able to observe Monica interacting with her friends. Quite often her friends would stop by to chat and would stay for a while. During these times I probably received the best insight into Monica because among her friends she seemed most comfortable.

Overall, the process was one of interesting insight into both Monicaπs self and my own. In the paper I try not to write in Monicaπs voice because I clearly didnπt have enough time to know even partially how she thinks. Instead I focused on the impression that she left on me as some indication of the impression she leaves on people.

***

When revising this paper I focused on a comment Dr. Bednar made about focusing on the issue at the end of the paper. I thought a lot about the comment, but then found out it had to do with a very sensitive subject that I believe I do not have a right to write about.

Overall, I tried to remove my biases or make obvious so that I reader would know that they are mine. In the end, while the paper might be somewhat of a fluff piece most of the people I had read it who knew Monica said it was an accurate portrayal of her. While thatπs not the total point to this assignment it is an important part and I think I accomplished it.

***

Overall, when thinking about the revision process of both this paper and of all the papers in general I have come to one conclusion. The best way to obtain the best paper is to separate from it. First, write I must write the article to the best of my ability but then it must become its own person. This way I can edit, revise and get criticism on the paper without it affecting myself. I have learned to look at the papers as having their own personality independent of mine. This way I fell that I am best able to complete my assignments.