Kim Hull

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly."

Growing up, every kid has a special someone that they one day aspire to become. Monitoring their every action, you try as best you can to embody everything this role model represents. As a child my hero was my sister, Andy. Two years my senior, she was out there showing me the ropes from day one. Just as any little sister would, I put her on a pedestal and allow my world to revolve around her. From sporting hot pink stretch pants and a side ponytail to jamming out to the New Kids on the Block, no matter how far fetched it seemed, everything was cool when Andy did it. And, in turn, I had to follow in her footsteps and do it, too.

* * * * * * * * *

I knew the time for her to head off to college was inevitable, but the reality of her departure hit me only weeks before she actually left. Suddenly, the empty guest room next to hers became the storage room for all of her "college stuff." The piles of her personal belongings, graduation presents, and dorm life necessities grew as the summer months wore on, a subtle but constant reminder that she was really leaving. It seems as though everything that summer, no matter how simple it appeared to be, reiterated the fact that my sister, my best friend, my counselor, my partner in crime, my constant companion, my hero, was moving on with her life.

* * * * * * * * *

It was the same route I had taken to Franklin High School for two years now, and in that time not much had changed. As usual, the sun’s rays were nearly blinding as I made my way up the mountain, waving to the other "valley" kids that I saw zooming past. It was like clockwork, this eight-minute drive to school. Yet, with so much familiarity surrounding me, I felt oddly out of place that day. The difference? I was missing my copilot. I’d never made the drive to school without Andy by my side, drowning out the radio as we belted out the lyrics to our favorite songs.

This time the car ride was uncharacteristically quiet. Or was it? I really don’t recall. My mind flooded with thoughts of her. As I was making my way to school, so was she…five hundred miles in the opposite direction. A few tears slid down my cheeks, but before I completely lost it, I managed to sneak in a little giggle. For a while now we had been joking that not only was she leaving, but so too was half of my wardrobe! I’d wake up every morning, and more often than not I’d run to her room to find something to wear rather than put on an outfit from my own closet. From clothes to gossip, Andy and I shared everything growing up.

* * * * * * * * *

Sitting in the den, wasting another summer day away in front of the TV, I heard the all too familiar rumble of the mailman driving past our house. So, I popped out of my chair and ran out to rummage through the stack of letters.

When she got back from work later that afternoon, I followed her back to her room to see what mysteries the thick envelope contained.

"Look! It’s a letter about my new roommate! Her name’s Sarah and she from just outside Austin and…"

With this special delivery also came an overwhelming feeling that I was somehow being replaced. Of course I’d always be her sister, but I wouldn’t be her roommate anymore. Sure, we hadn’t shared a room for years, but that’s besides the fact. I had always been the one she came home to and shared the stories of late night parties with. I was the one that she fought with over spending too much time getting ready in the bathroom. I was the one that she had to compromise with about using the phone first. I was.

* * * * * * * * *

"Hey Kim, you want to get up now? Andrea and I are gonna leave soon if you want to say good-bye…"

I got out of bed and strapped on some shoes so I could throw some last minute things into Andy’s already tightly packed car. But, before I knew it, it was 7:00AM, which meant it was time to go. I gave her a hug as if it was the last time I was ever going to see her. Obviously, this wasn’t the case, but when you haven’t spent more than a weekend apart from someone in your life, months can feel like and eternity.

Being the youngest of four girls who all went to college, you’d think I’d be used to saying good-bye to older siblings, having done a few times already. But with Andy, the farewell was different, much different. First of all, she is much closer to me in age than the other two girls, which solidified our special bond from the get go. Yet, the thing that sets this departure apart from the previous two the most all boils down to the infamous driveway departure. I was standing in the driveway, waving goodbye to my big sis, but this time around I was all alone. Andy wasn’t there in my shadow to lend a shoulder to cry on like she usually was. This time she was the one heading off, which meant that I had to do this one all by myself.

* * * * * * * * *

My relationship with Andy has always been a roller coaster. When I was born, Andy first saw me as a sort of fun new toy. She could hold me, take care of me, and dress me up like her very own real life baby doll. Life was great. But, somewhere around early adolescence, the tables turned. When reminiscing about our childhood, my mother has often remarked that she was terrified that my sister and I would never get along and eventually kill each other. Our family van used to have a back seat that folded down into a bed. So, on family road trips Andy and I would fold down the back seat and turn that into our very own boxing ring. One day my mom got so fed up with all of the fighting and screaming that she grabbed us both by the arm, threw us in the bathtub (fully clothed, mind you), and turned the cold water on. That shocked us for a little while, but it didn’t completely calm us down. We were dreaded enemies until high school, at which point, for some odd reason, it then became cool to be friends again. Andy became more than just my sister, "the girl I have to associate with because we’re related by blood"; she morphed into my sister, "my friend."

* * * * * * * * *

Coming home from school that day was not as hard as I thought it would be. My fear was that walking by her empty room would send me into an emotional tailspin. Surprisingly, I was fine until she called home that night to tell us that she’d made it to Georgetown. I picked up the phone, heard her voice, and immediately tears welled up in my eyes. Words couldn’t even make their way out of my mouth, I was crying so hard. What else do you do when your better half moves away? I had to hand the phone over to my dad and have him explain that I missed her so much that I couldn’t even talk to her.

* * * * * * * * *

Over the course of my sixteen years, Andy had become such an integral part of my life that I had lost sight of who I really was. At times growing up, I almost felt overshadowed by her grandiose personality. Andy herself even admits that she has a need to be the center of the attention at all times. Many times I found it easier to simply let her take center stage, and in doing so I lost myself somewhere in the background. I don’t think it was until she moved to Georgetown that I found my true self, the one that had been suppressed for so long. I began doing things for my own reasons, rather than because they would gain her praise or approval.

* * * * * * * * *

At first glance, saying goodbye to Andy that summer morning was a relatively simple event. People watch their loved ones leave for college all of the time. I came to realize much later, though, that waving goodbye to her meant much more to me than seeing Andy off to school. I’ve come to understand that she was put in my life to be my sister and friend, someone to lead me down a good path, but someone who ultimately allows me to choose my own. Now I know that she wasn’t leaving me there to stand alone in the driveway, she was leaving me with the opportunity to spread my wings and become something much more than "Andy’s little sister."

I really enjoyed working on this paper. I was worried at first that it would be hard to write, but once I got started, the piece just flowed so well. To refresh my memory on the events that took place that summer, I read some letters that I’d written to my sister before she left. That was all it took, and all of the emotions I experienced came flooding back to me.

I think that this was a great topic for me to write about because these are memories and emotions that I’ve had for a long time, but that I’ve never really had the chance to put down on paper. The hardest part for me was trying to keep the paper down to one single moment in my life. Since my sister has always been in my life, she has always had an impact on many aspects of my life. But, I think I did a good job of limiting it to a small period in my life: one summer.

Having the peer review sessions in class really helped my writing skills. It was so wonderful to actually have feedback from many different prospective. The input I received in class helped me to create a much better draft. I am really happy with the way this article turned out.