Jeff Gabbert

Journalism

Without a Map

"I used to wear black all the time and never wanted to talk to anybody." A round of laughs along with a few silly and sarcastic rebuttals lighten the mood around the dinner table. Spencer, my good friend, and I wanted to go out on a double date. He asked his girlfriend and I went with one of his girlfriend’s friends. We were all laughing and making silly and sarcastic remarks. It was so funny because no one could see Erica, who is blonde, of athletic build, and more importantly a very sweet and caring person, to be the person she was describing. Erica has a presence about her that shines of kindness, sympathy, and sincerity. Above all else she is someone you can talk to. "Yea yea, Erica, you? Erica Krueger, Ms. Gothic," I said someone got in their two cents worth: "you used to wear black all the time and be mean to people?" We just didn’t see it.

I met with Erica on Sunday morning not knowing exactly how her interview was going to unfold. Before her arrival I quickly gathered my thoughts and tried to figure out what I wanted to ask. Where are you from? Tell me about your family. Tell me about your childhood. Why did you come to Southwestern? All these questions were floating in my mind. I wanted to take a serious journalistic approach; I just didn’t want to mess up. I decided on running off the basic questions and see where that led. Though they were very important questions and I really wanted to know their answers, I couldn’t help but think about the night before and what had happened at the dinner table. My good friend Spencer and I wanted to go on a double date and tried to make plans to go out to dinner the night before my interview with Erica. Erica, one of her friends, Spencer and I all went to dinner just trying to get to know one another. Dinner went well but I just couldn’t get over the comments Erica made early on about her past. The next morning, before our interview, I just couldn’t shake what Erica said about her past and her gothic era in high school. Was she serious? The same sweet, caring, and easily approachable Erica was at one time dark, quiet, and closed off from the rest of the world?

A gentle knock, "Come in." Erica walked in with a smile on her face and a warm hello. Yep, she was definitely kidding the night before; there is no way that Erica could have been what she said she was. I take up my chair next to the notebook and pen while she assumed the couch right across from me.

"So, how are you?" We talk for a second or two and jump right into the interview. We talk about the overall scheme of things and what she might want to talk about. As we talk, we go off on tangents and somehow, luckily, we end up talking about dinner with our friends the night before. My chance surfaced and I ask her about her brief testimonial about her past. I wasn’t too sure if I should ask, but since she had brought up her gothic memories and didn’t mind talking about them, I took my chance.

Erica’s expression started out illuminated, trying to tell her story with a touch of ease and sarcasm. She was trying to tone down her story of personal struggle in a manner that didn’t seem too serious. I felt like she was kind of beating around the bush with what she wanted to say. However, it didn’t take too long before she stopped trying to tone down her story and just tell me the way it was. She starts off by referring back to the eighth grade when she and her two friends had been suspended for selling weed. While fidgeting with her hands, sitting on one of her legs, and looking around the room, Erica told me that she was always partying, smoking weed, and hanging out with her "true friends." It was an everyday occurrence: go to school, meet up with the gang and smoke weed. Her eyes would wander making contact with mine every so often, Erica looked down as she described her drug habits in middle school. As she continued on about her life, her expressions and explanations no longer were assisted with humor or sarcasm; her tone was now soft and serious. While she was looking off around the room, sometimes out the window, I sensed that Erica was walking through her thoughts and back to her high school years.

She explains that after her suspension and her return to normal classes, she found out who her "real friends" were. Apparently rumors had started about Erica and how she narked or admitted to what had happened and got some people in trouble. After Erica and her two other friends got out, they were no longer accepted into the group of "friends" they thought they had. The three girlfriends were ditched and left to be seen as outcasts. Although the three girls were grounded for the next three months, when possible, these three girls hung out with each other not caring that other people didn’t accept them. As long as they had each other, that was all that mattered.

Erica initially explains her transition from hanging out with the big group of friends to hanging out with her two "real" friends. She tells me this with a real sense that she had found something, something special. Though not as soft and serious as she started out, she spoke with hope and with a little touch of excitement. She told me with excitement that she was dating a really hot guy at the time. They always hung out and all of them smoked weed together on a regular basis. She told me about her Leonardo De Caprio looking boyfriend. She was smiling, vibrant, and almost blushing when she told the story of how they met. Her expression died a little when she continued on about their bad habits. Her love story was quickly interrupted by thoughts of her past. While recalling her memories, Erica was playing with her socks, talking to the floor at times, and never making eye contact for more than a second or two. She realized how much influence her friends had on her at the time.

I heard a high school story all too similar to stories of some of the friends I had had. Weed was the thing to do. Weed was a relationship. I was expecting to hear more about drugs and the wrong path she was taking when Erica randomly said how much she had loved soccer. Within all the mess of drugs and partying, Erica somehow played soccer. With poise and a smile on her face, this time not scratching her arm or fidgeting with her hands, but with a calm and proud display, she told me about her club soccer team. She explained to me that club soccer was a league that people could join and play soccer against other teams. She clearly stated that although her club team really sucked, she still loved it and always wanted to play. With a sense of excitement and new hope, Erica dove into how she had met Emily at a Driver’s Ed course. Emily played for another club soccer team that Erica always thought was really good. Little did she know that Emily had watched Erica play a few times and thought she should try out for her team. This invitation to play soccer turned into an offer of friendship, which in turn, turned out to be a lasting one. It wasn’t long thereafter, that Emily and Erica started hanging out. With time, Erica started smoking dramatically less, wasn’t hanging out with her previous two girlfriends, and was walking a new path. She had found a friend; she had found Emily.

She says with confidence and pride, "On the 4^th of July Emily asked me to stop smoking…and so I did." Erica points out, perhaps realizing it at that moment, "That’s when I really started to grow up." Suddenly, the smiles were gone. She tells me of her decision to break up with her ever so hot boyfriend whom she was madly in love with. She told me her story of going to a Young Life Camp in North Carolina. It was a religious retreat where Christians of all ages, mostly teenagers, went to take in the good word of the Lord. She explains to me how much fun it was and how much appreciation she had for the camp. With a smile on her face and a real sense of joy, she told me that she had realized she wasn’t being the best Christian she could be. It was only after her experience at Young Life that she felt like she knew what she had the potential of being.

* * *

"I just fell out of love with him." Though with a straight face, serious tone, and wide eyed, Erica told the story of the break up of her boyfriend. Erica looked down tapping her knee, scratching her eyes, putting her bangs behind her ear. Looking out the window, she told me that she just didn’t love him anymore.

Erica now on the edge of the couch, looking right at me as to not lose eye contact, told me it was then, after she had broken up with her boyfriend, that she had walked with Christ. Erica had become the "Best Christian ever!" With a tremendous smile she told me how soccer and her truly best friend Emily, and being in the right crowd for once, had set her in the right direction.

Erica now in college, has found a great group of friends to hang out with and has found a Bible study called Escape. With time, Erica’s grades have become better and her relationship with Christ continues to grow.

After she told me a handful of different stories and I was hearing how her life and her identity were shaped, she paused…"You know what? Everything happens for a reason, God has a plan for all of us." I knew Erica had realized how her life and identity had taken shape. Head cocked to the side, chin up, and with a slight smile of pride, she looked back at her past: It was soccer, her best friend Emily, and her newly found religious belief that have led her to where she is today. I could hear Erica thinking. She knew she was headed in the right direction, she was on the right path.

Erica explains to me, with an expression of hope and with an optimistic attitude, that she’s not alone, with the Lord in her life and her good and true friends, she’s going to be all right. "I’ll just take one day at a time."

My first interview was nothing short of an interesting experience. Although I had a few guidelines to follow it was like walking a down a hall. It was pitch dark and with my hands out in front of me all I could do was try to handle the unexpected. With my pen and paper, all I could do was strike up a conversation. I was walking in the dark. The entire experience alone of conducting an interview was exciting. Without any idea of what I wanted to write about, it was quite interesting to hear and see a story unfold right before my eyes.

Before actually interviewing Erica, all I could think about was what type of questions I wanted to ask. Did I want to talk about a unique, life changing experience? Did I just want to talk about her family? I didn’t even know if I wanted to talk about one individual experience or a cluster of experiences. I simply had no idea. However, coincidently, the night before my good friend, his girlfriend, her friend, and myself ended up having dinner together the night before Erica scheduled interview. Before we all had dinner together, I knew Erica from seeing her around on campus and some parties. Dinner was a great icebreaker and for us to somewhat get to know each other.

Our interview for the next morning came in a hurry. The entire time before we actually met, I wasn’t too worried about what I wanted to ask or write about. I figured it would all just magically unravel and my story would simply present itself. However, just a few minutes before Erica was supposed to arrive, I panicked. I scrambled for pen and paper, scribbled some questions down, and worried about what I wanted to say.

The next hour or so proved very interesting. In a matter of a short time and four pages of notes later, I learned something about Erica that would later expose itself as the very backbone of her current character. I wrote down everything. At the time of the interview, every little detail that came out of her mouth was transported to paper. Everything was important. When it came down to writing the paper I couldn’t help but realize how neat it was to hear Erica’s story unfold right before my eyes. The entire time I was asking questions, hoping to expose something, all the questions she asked were revealing something even bigger. Only after reading the notes I took, did it occur to me that it was her life experience among different social environments that constructed the Erica Krueger we know today.

While writing this paper, all my worries ere gone after having talked with Erica repeatedly and getting a first hand impression of who I thought she was. The entire project: interviewing an individual, taking notes, and putting their story on paper, was so unbelievably exciting. I had no idea that so much went into a paper. To be able to put someone’s emotions on paper, explain the surrounding’s, and give life to a person that the audience doesn’t know, it was a very unique experience. Although this was y first interview project, hopefully people who do read this will have at least a basic idea who Erica was and now is. It was amazing how much was learned not only of another person, but I was just as amazing to see and experience what it was like to be a journalist.