Tiffany Owens

Stacey's Journey

Summer 2000

"Lord please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." The meeting begins in a small room with the smell of stale coffee joining the aroma of cigarettes, being smoked with a vengeance. Among the crowd are faces worn by alcohol abuse. They appear beaten, defeated, but in fact are on the road to recovery. One face in the crowd doesn't belong, it is of a young woman, whose look is quite different. She is hopeful, yet disappointed and not worn by years of drinking. Her eyes glance around the room with a sense of urgency, yet they clearly tell she hasn't found what she is looking for.

But you see, Stacey* isn't there for herself, she is expecting someone who disappoints her time and time again, her mother. Misty won't be showing up, even though she said she would, because in her mind she is not an alcoholic. But to everyone who knows her she is, and desperately needs to quit drinking. Misty does not believe in God, and does not believe that being a drunk is a problem. (She prefers the word "drunk" to "alcoholic").

This is not the first nor the last time Stacey will wait on Misty only to have her heart broken once again. Alcoholism is a problem that not only effects the addict, but has serious effects on everyone who loves the addict. Although Misty has done enough to deserve Stacey's hate, Stacey will not say she hates her mother. She will call her a number of expletives, but hate is too strong, and she has stuck with her so far. It is amazing what Misty has put her family through because of her drinking problem, but what is even more amazing is that Misty still has people willing to be called her family.

The drinking has been going on ever since Stacey and her dad Rob can remember and there have been few dry spells in between. Just enough to let them know what they are missing in a sober Misty, a more kind, understanding person. But when she's drinking, all will admit, she becomes angry, belligerent, and violent. The one most willing to talk about this is Stacey, who obviously has told this story more than once. Rob is too bitter to talk about Misty for too long, even though he divorced her 11 years ago. Memories can be all too vivid.

The fighting between Misty and Rob started when Stacey was about 5 years old. There are two different versions of the story, but cheating was definitely involved. One afternoon Stacey was riding with her mother in their beat up, "smurf blue" station wagon to go to the store, when all of a sudden the big jalopy came to a screeching halt. "I can't fucking believe it," Misty fumed as she watched her husband walking out the front door of her best friend's house zipping up his pants. Misty continued on to the store but rage was building inside her. Her usual leisurely trip down the grocery aisle was more like stock car racing that day and her grip on the cart had made her knuckles turn white.

She picked up an 12-pack tonight, as opposed to her usual 6. When Misty and Stacey arrived at home the war began between Rob and Misty. They both flung accusations at each other. And Rob got so angry he flung a coffee mug, straight at Misty's head. It took 5 stitches to sew up the gash in Misty's nose, but Rob says she deserved it. He claims it was she who was cheating on him, with the next door neighbor, and according to Stacey that's true. "She was acting like a maniac, what was I supposed to do?" Rob explains in a less than remorseful manner. Stacey's version of the incident is less detailed as she had attempted to immerse herself in the t.v. to drown out the noise of the fight.

Before this incident that led to Misty and Rob's divorce Stacey says everything was fine with her mother, "she was actually nice to me." But according to Rob this isn't so, "she was always a cold bitch." But not to Stacey, to Stacey she was mom, regardless of the fact that she didn't act like it. Misty's loathing for Rob was shared with her best friend, her confidant, her secret keeper, Stacey.

One late night when Stacey should have been in bed her mom was up with her getting drunk, and her dad was passed out on the couch from the prescription medication he used to abuse. Misty was in one of her good moods, treating Stacey like a princess, and Stacey felt loved and needed. Misty was bad mouthing Rob as usual when she nonchalantly said to Stacey, "when I kill your dad you can have this (holding a diamond ring that belonged to her mother) but you have to be my little secret keeper, you have to lie when the police ask you what happened. Okay, sweetie?" Stacey agreed, because Misty had made Rob out to be a monster, and kept Stacey so close to her that Stacey would have done anything to protect her mother. Stacey admitted, "I was really prepared to lie to the police about my dad's death, so I could protect my mom." It wouldn't be the last time Stacey heard plots of her father's murder.

Afterword

This was an interesting story for me to report. Stacey* (names have been changed) and I went to 8th grade and high school together. I never knew just how bad she had it. I knew her dad was strict, and that she had moved back and forth between her parents, but I had no idea. It was kind of weird going to the family picnic and asking everyone to dish the dirt on her mom. But most everyone disliked her so they had plenty of information to give. I just hope that I never meet her mom now because I have a few things I'd like to say to her. Even though Stacey still talks to her. She says she's trying to maintain an image of a happy family. I can't believe it. After all, it is her mother, and nothing will ever change that.