Jennifer Page
Summer, 2001
Finding "Your Own Skin"
"You can accomplish anything if you really devote yourself to it and are willing to do the work. You are only limited by your laziness." - Jill Winfree
Jill Winfree has an obvious love for theatre. It is evident in every aspect of her life. Her room is filled with posters of theatrical productions and classic movies. The shirt she is wearing displays the title, Miss Saigon. On the kitchen table is a pamphlet for Southwestern University’s theatre department. In an open cabinet, I see mountains of movies. From the worn look on the video cases, I assume that each one has been watched many times. Everywhere I look, signs of the theatre look right back at me.
My first question is a reaction to the abundant theatre paraphernalia rather than journalistic instinct. I ask what caused her to become so enamored with the theatre. Jill says that her passion isn’t something that has slowly grown over the years; she feels that it has been with her since before she can remember. As she thinks back to her first experience with the theatre, I can see excitement growing in her.
* * *
For the first ten years of her life, Jill had the opportunity to see an annual showing of the Nutcracker in Houston, Texas. Although the actual plot of the Nutcracker remained a mystery to her for many years, the experience of going to the theater was "bigger than life" for her. The memory of the new dress her mother bought her for each show, the anticipation of seeing the curtains rise, and the visions of the rich costumes left Jill feeling as though she had experienced something magical.
Jill was further intrigued by the fine arts when she was in the second grade at B.B. Rice Elementary in Conroe, Texas. She auditioned and gained a spot on the school’s Odyssey of the Mind team. Odyssey of the Mind, or O.M., was a chance for kids to write, direct, act, and compete with their own creative script. The free range she and her teammates were given made each member feel "talented and special." Looking back, Jill feels that her participation in O.M. boosted her confidence and allowed her to become a more assertive person. Because of the positive experience she had in O.M., she continued participating for four more years.
About this time, Jill’s love for movies grew from an enjoyable childhood pastime to a time consuming hobby. The movies’ ability to allow her to "escape from life for a while" and participate in a fictional environment drew her in. However, as Jill continued watching and studying movies, she began to tune in to the details of how and why each movie was made. Unlike many youths that go to a movie theater with friends for social interaction, Jill was content going by herself and screening the movies.
Once Jill reached high school, she was persuaded to tryout for the high school cheerleading team. Her parents felt this was an acceptable activity and would fulfill Jill’s love to perform in front of an audience. However, with the help of an introductory acting class, Jill soon realized her spot on the cheering squad could not quench her thirst of love for theatre. Finally, her junior year, Jill pulled her courage together and auditioned for the school play, I Never Saw Another Butterfly. She describes the experience as "intensely nerve wracking." To no one’s surprise but her own, she landed a major role in the production. With that first play behind her, nothing could slow her down. She auditioned for every production after that and played roles in each one.
* * *
After realizing that it took Jill sixteen years before she finally was an active participant in an ongoing theatre group, I wonder what took her so long. She tries to make me understand by explaining the politics of her high school. She tells me that Conroe, like many small towns, is extremely proud of its football team, whether it wins or loses. A large percentage of extracurricular funding, along with the support of the community, goes towards the football team. She explains that it took her a while to realize that she could support the football team and cheer while also continuing her dream of the theatre. Curious as to how she balanced the two extracurricular activities, I ask her if it was hard to participate in both organizations. She starts to laugh a little bit.
She says it took some getting used to. She tells me that there were vast differences in the social groups that participated in cheerleading and theatre. However, she claims she immediately felt an attachment with the theatre group because they shared her passion for theatre. In fact, one of her fondest memories from high school is the comradery that the theatre group offered. She describes the group as a lot of "social rejects that banned together …to get through life."
* * *
Because Jill "knew there was more in the world than Conroe High School and the opportunities there," she was anxious for higher education and the experiences it would bring. However, the dualistic life that Jill lived in high school followed her to Southwestern University. When she announced to her parents that she would be attending the university in pursuit of a theatre major, they vigorously disagreed. Their conservative nature could not comprehend spending four years and a lot of money for "acting lessons." As a compromise, Jill agreed to have a double major in communications and theatre. She found her communication classes to be much more interesting than she had anticipated, but it was her theatre classes that were still the heart of her education.
The first theatre class Jill attended was "Introduction to Acting". The students in the class created a bond that has been maintained for the three years that Jill has been here. As a spin off of the school’s theatre club, Mask & Wig, the classmates formed their own theatrical group, Flask & Jig. In Flask & Jig tradition, each meeting is started when someone drinks from a flask and does a jig. The primary goal of Flask & Jig is to give the students more opportunities to practice their theatrical talents. Much like Jill’s O.M. group, Flask & Jig writes, directs, and acts in their own productions. Jill thinks this is "cool because [the students] just wanted to get their own work out there." Although they might not be performing on Broadway, they are content performing in whatever venues they can find. For example, it is not a rare occurrence to see a performance of Flask& Jig at the Phi Delta Theta house, a social fraternity on the Southwestern University campus.
* * *
At this point in the interview I am beginning to realize how much work must go into each and every theatrical production. Until I hear Jill describing all the different parts of the show that must be completed before it is ready for the audience, I had never considered what it takes to produce a show. Writing, acting, directing, costuming…the list she is describing seems to be endless for me. I ask her what aspect of the production she enjoys most and she seems lost for words. I can tell she wants to be diplomatic in her answer and not commit too strongly to any one part. Jill maintains a dual opinion of each aspect of theatre in her responses.
* * *
According to Jill, acting is the scariest job of a production because she has a need to perform each role perfectly. Because of this need for perfection, she admits to getting a "panicky" feeling when she is about to perform a role for the first time. However, she enjoys being able to "be someone else for a while and get out of your own skin when you can’t deal with your life."
Directing is extremely intimidating for Jill. She feels uncomfortable when "people are looking to you for answers you don’t always have." It is a constant juggling act of actors, designers, scheduling, etc. However, on opening night, the feeling of pride is so strong. She describes opening night as "having a child that grows up and goes to college." At that point, the show is on its own and she can no longer give it instructions or direct it.
For Jill, the hardest but most fulfilling aspect of theatre is writing. Writing allows Jill to "be totally honest with an audience." She feels a connection when someone understands her emotions from seeing one of her scenes played out.
* * *
Curious, I ask Jill if she plans on pursuing writing more actively than any other aspect of theatre. Her delayed response and shifting gaze signal to me that she is debating what to tell me. Finally, she admits that she would love to spend the majority of her time writing. Although acting and directing are not her main focus, she will always want to pursue them as hobbies.
Jill is emphatic about her excitement towards the future. Through her many years of hard work, she is confident that she has found her calling and "things are going well" for her. She explains that through her simultaneous involvement with the Southwestern theatre department and Flask & Jig, she is able to focus on what she loves doing. She is intensely motivated and enthused about what the theatre holds for her in the future.
AFTERWORD:
Before interviewing Jill, I spent time reviewing what I knew about her. This took a relatively long time because we have known each other since we were in preschool. I think that our knowing each other made the assignment more of a challenge for me. I was forced to not make assumptions about what I thought I knew about her. Instead, I had to ask questions that seemed to have obvious answers. I was very surprised at some of the responses I got from her.
I decided to focus on her love of the theatre because she is so passionate about it. I also decided to focus on the theatre because it was a part of her that I knew very little about. Jill is a very easy person to interview because she is so open and honest about her feelings with herself and others.
The structure of the article was not a conscience effort, but a pattern that emerged during my thinking process. I would review the stories she told me and try to internalize each one individually. I also wanted to include her present presence in the article by describing how she said things instead of just what she was saying.
I think that by describing theatre’s role throughout her life, I was able to create a history for her while maintaining focus and direction within the article. My goal was for the reader to feel like they knew who Jill was now and why she was who she was.